Be Your Own Guardian Angel

The Isolation of Trauma

I’ll start by saying that trauma has a way of making you feel alone. Like nobody understands the depths of your pain or struggles, or like no one has been where you are. It can create a very real sense of emotional disconnection from others that makes healing from trauma that much harder.

Trauma often creates a personal reality that feels so unique and overwhelming, that it becomes hard to imagine that anyone else could relate. This feeling is very much rooted in the intensity and complexity of what you’re going through.

I can certainly attest to this, on multiple levels. I felt isolated from my loved ones for sure. It felt like sharing the depth of my pain would overwhelm or make them uncomfortable. As time went on, I felt that I could talk about it less and less. I thought that I should already be healed, like it shouldn’t still be weighing so heavily on me.

On a larger scale, I felt isolated in the world. Truly, the personal reality of my case felt so unique that it felt like I might be the first person ever to face my struggle. I felt that there was no one else who could guide me or show me the way. I felt absolutely alone.

As a side note, I have come to learn that while no one else may ever experience exactly the same pain or trauma as you, often, the core emotions feel the same. There are many people who understand what it’s like to hurt deeply, or feel lost and afraid in their struggle. In that sense, you are certainly never alone.

You Are Not as Alone as You Feel

Now, back to the post. We covered that no matter what you’re going through, it can be easy to feel like you’re going through it alone.

The thing is, you really never are alone. There is someone who understands. Someone who has lived through every second of this pain, who has carried the weight of every moment, and who knows exactly how impossible it sometimes felt.

That someone is you. Not the you of today, but the you who made it through.

Your Future Self Already Knows You’ll Make It

There is a future version of you who remembers the weight of these moments, but no longer carries them. One who breathes easier, sleeps peacefully, and wakes up to a life that no longer feels like a battle. And they are so thankful that you didn’t give up.

They look back at you-not with pity, but with love. Because you are the reason they exist. They understand the depths of your struggles and they are wishing they could reach back through time to tell you:

Please keep going-everything you are pushing through right now is shaping the person that you will become.

The Hardest Moments Won’t Last Forever

Maybe, everything hurts right now. Maybe you feel beaten down by the healing process, like its always 1 step forward and 1 step back. Maybe it feels like you will be stuck here forever.

I can relate to drowning in my struggles. I can relate to feeling like there’s no end, no way out, or no light at the end of the tunnel. Truthfully, I can’t count the times that I have cried to my therapist, feeling so hopeless because it was too dark to see any way forward. I can relate to feeling like I wasn’t strong enough to carry the pain forever, and I can relate to feeling like giving up was the only way out. No matter how many times over I experienced this, it truly never got easier.

There were so many times that it was too dark to see any way forward. But don’t fall victim to thinking that you are not capable of finding your way-

It’s not a matter of if you make it through this-only when.

It’s okay to feel stuck, you don’t have to see a way out right now. You just have to trust that the version of you who has made it is waiting. They already exist, they are cheering you on, and they are so immensely proud of you. They feel gratitude in their heart for each step forward, and they feel love and understanding for each step back.

The Science of Survival and Healing

This isn’t about blind hope; it’s about science. Your brain is not just passively enduring this experience-it’s actively adapting to it. Every challenge you face, every emotion you process, every time you choose to keep going despite the weight of it all, your brain is changing.

Neuroplasticity-the brain’s ability to rewire itself-means that no matter how broken you feel, your mind is already working behind the scenes to build strength, resilience, and adaptability.

The more you navigate difficult emotions, the more your brain learns how to process them. The more you find ways to cope, the more those pathways strengthen. Over time, surviving becomes second nature, and then, slowly, living does too.

This is why healing often doesn’t feel like healing. It feels like struggling. It feels like falling apart. But even in those moments-especially in those moments-your brain is doing the work of survival, making it possible for you to reach a place where you won’t have to just survive. You’ll get to live.

And when you do, you’ll look back and realize that every impossible moment shaped the person who finally gets to breathe freely again.

Perspective Is Everything

When I was overwhelmed by my pain, I never could see any way out. I never felt that I was strong enough to carry it. One thing I did notice, however, was that I usually always left therapy feeling a million pounds lighter. (Not so much in the beginning-those were days where a million pounds lighter felt like no change at all.)

Anyways, pretty recently I realized exactly what it was that my therapy appointments were consistently providing me-a shift in perspective. I would come in seeing nothing but the pain and thinking there was no way I could handle it. But I would leave, looking at myself and thinking that whatever the future brought, I was strong enough to survive this moment.

A change of perspective will take you from “this pain is too much, and I don’t see any way out,” to “I will take the pain as it comes, struggle my way through, and that is the way out.”

That’s exactly why I think that this idea is so powerful. An innate belief that no matter the struggle-you will make it through, you will heal, and you will find peace again-is a change of perspective that will change lives.

In my own experience, this shift has been transformative a million times over. Because there were probably a million times that I fell back into thinking I couldn’t do it, that I was too tired and beaten down by the process to continue, or that the pain would never come to an end. But each time I found hope again, each time I saw the way forward again, it wasn’t my situation that changed, only my perspective on it.

Expecting Yourself to Heal Perfectly

So eventually, you will get through this. In the meantime, don’t fall into the trap of expecting yourself to ‘heal perfectly’ or move forward without setbacks. This expectation will do nothing but hurt you.

And I have most definitely been there! For a long time I was beating myself up for ‘still’ struggling. I thought that months after what happened, I should be better than still relying heavily on negative coping mechanisms. I thought that struggling was failing.

The reality of it is, I was going through something extremely difficult. Something I had never in my life experienced, new feelings, thoughts, and emotions. New chemical imbalances in my brain and body. How is it possibly fair to myself, to expect that I don’t struggle with that?

My mindset changed the day I realized that I wasn’t failing for resorting to negative coping mechanisms. (And my mechanisms of choice were crippling to my mental and physical health.) I was simply surviving with the tools that I had. I was just doing my best to get by during times that felt overwhelming and impossible.

I was doing whatever I could to cope during times that I was barely surviving. By harshly judging myself for not doing better, I was kicking myself while I was already down.

When I came to this understanding, I realized that I could hold space for the understanding that I deserve better and am working towards that, and simultaneously I could validate my pain and understand when I was just doing my best to survive.

Your Future Self Is Cheering You On

This leads me back into the topic of your future self as a guardian angel. Not necessarily in the typical sense, but as a beacon of light, strength, and hope for a better future somewhere down the road.

If ever there were a way that they could reach back in time to show you their love and understanding, self-compassion is that bridge.

Not only is it a bridge to their support, but it is also one massive step towards becoming them. They are your biggest supporter, watching every step forward with pride, and seeing your struggles through a lens of love, tenderness, and acceptance.

Self-compassion, for yourself and for your journey, is the key to becoming your own guardian angel.

And the future version of you, does understand. They don’t blame you for struggling, they are immensely proud because despite how difficult it was, and how impossible it sometimes felt, you made it through. You survived. Their growth, healing, and understanding, was shaped by your pain and your struggle.

You Are Becoming Someone You’ll Be Proud Of

I am in a place now where I look back on the darkest times of my life and feel so much love and compassion for the girl that was going through it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for her, because today, I feel I can say that I have made it through. Despite the struggles, I survived. I have integrated and made peace with the impact of this experience-and I am so proud of the person it has shaped me into.

I wish I could go back and tell her that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That healing was possible, and that she would feel peace again. Of course, I can’t, so I hope to at least get the message out to one of you. Someone who is going through the thick of it, feeling hopeless, or unsure of whether they will ever find healing.

I know how it feels to think you’ll never make it through, you’ll never heal, or you’re not strong enough to keep going:

In those moments, let the version of you who has done just that comfort you.

Be your own guardian angel.

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