In my last reflection post, I touched on how during different moments, I’ve realized that I have let what happened take my life from me. This week I would like to talk about a very important lesson that has come from that.
Acknowledging the Impact of Trauma
For me, the first step is acknowledging that I am letting this take my life from me. However, in order to truly gain my autonomy I must make the decision that moving forward, I will choose to be happy again. I must actively make the choice to find joy in the little things, to see my life through a lens of gratitude and love, and to cherish the beauty of life with the freedom I am so blessed to have.
You will not find happiness until you choose to look for it.
For me, this usually comes after a period of numbness following a period of distress. The world is bleak and although it’s nice to feel stable, I feel empty and robotic, like I’m trapped on auto pilot and watching my life pass me by.
The Struggle of Healing
It’s hard work to heal. And when I’m frustrated by this process-exhausted by the inevitable setbacks and the back and forth nature of progress-it’s easy to give up on trying. I guess that you can only fall so many times before the ground starts feeling like home.
And while I don’t think it’s inherently bad to rest in this place before finding the energy to continue forward, I do find that I will stay stagnant for as long as I let myself. I will be numb to the world, devoid of all feeling and I will stay that way until I choose to feel again. I will get lost in the dreary monotony of each passing day while a world of new experiences lies just within reach.
Finding Joy in the Little Things
So, if in life, I only see what I am looking for, then it is crucial that I choose to find happiness again. That I choose to look for the good in the world and be thankful for the things I am surrounded with. It is crucial that I choose to feel thankful that I get to experience the bite of the cold air on my skin in the mornings, or that I am able to laugh with my sisters and dance alone while I listen to my favorite songs. I must love and appreciate the things, no matter how small, that bring peace and joy to my day.
Appreciating the Present
And while it’s not lost on me that I could have easily died that night, I sometimes take for granted the fact that I didn’t. I sometimes think it would be easier if I had. I forget to see this life as the blessing that it is, to experience it to its fullest and immerse myself in everything that it has to offer. Instead, I choose to hide away from the world, stuck in the past or chasing the next moment, the next hour, the next weekend. But when I’m always looking forward or back, with my blinders to the present, then I am missing everything that life has to offer all around me.
So I guess that’s where I’m at now. Choosing to appreciate the present, to appreciate life to its fullest and find meaning in joy in the small things. It’s not always easy, but I know that it’s possible. I have found the truest forms of joy and happiness in the first sip of warm tea on a cold morning, in putting on clean pajamas after a warm shower, and my favorite song coming on during a walk in the park. I have found it in my friends asking how I’m doing, a good sunset, delicious food, and lighting a candle after cleaning my room. Life is a series of fleeting moments, and while we can’t hold onto all of them, we can choose to savor the ones that remind us how beautiful it is to simply be alive.
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